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1. If you discover a plastic-eating virus, don't take it on a plane.

2. Don't breed mutant killer rats or blue moths. It never ends well.

3. Always wear gloves when handling fish.

4. If you're having a paranoid episode, consider moving out of your flat if you live in a tower block. If you're having a paranoid episode and you're an astronaut, don't go up in the rocket.

5. You don't want to be nothing but a brain. No, really.

6. Don't go pot-holing.

7. Always double check that you've told your computer not to kill you today.

8. Take jet-lag seriously and never sit next to a PR guy on the plane.

9. Advertising can kill you. Also, don't take sweets from strangers.

10. Avoid standing in lighthouses when jet planes are flying overhead.

11. Don't judge people by their DNA or any other unproven scientific theory.

12. It's absolutely okay to break into any and all labs/top secret research centres if the people running it won't let you in. They must be up to something, so it doesn't matter that Whitehall and Dr Quist will be cross when you inevitably get caught five minutes later and they have to vouch for you again.

13. Your secretary is not a guinea pig.

14. Don't wear floral shirts and kipper ties when you visit Whitehall. Try something approaching a suit.

15. Scientists are all a lot of weirdies. But don't tell them I told you that.

16. Science and progress are all very well, but human beings are the worst and will ruin everything. Please check your levels of pride, stupidity, arrogance, obsession, corporate greed, and ambition before continuing with your scientific project. Failure to do so will almost certainly be fatal for someone.

Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- Comments there: comment count unavailable

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
astrogirl2
Mar. 9th, 2017 11:32 pm (UTC)
Hee. These look like useful life lessons. Although some days, I'm not at all sure about #5. And I already knew #15. :)
lost_spook
Mar. 10th, 2017 08:41 am (UTC)
:-D

Although some days, I'm not at all sure about #5.

That was Patrick Troughton's problem, but thankfully Dr Quist came around to talk him into dying instead. You'll have to resist the temptation, because I don't think there's a modern Doomwatch around. (And the US branch got scuppered by that darned jet-lag abusing PR guy on the plane anyway!) But it's all fun and games until you realise you're shut in the dark and can barely even communicate anymore and then you have to call it a halt!

(I'm loving the 1970s apocalyptic ALL OUR SCIENCE CAN KILL US, I have to say. Although it does try to remember that progress is good, science is neutral, but human beings are just the worst & there's the snagm for you.)
astrogirl2
Mar. 10th, 2017 06:18 pm (UTC)
Well, I'll be sure to give it enough thought and to make sure I can get some sort of frontal lobe internet connection before I allow anyone to extract my brain. :)
swordznsorcery
Mar. 10th, 2017 12:57 am (UTC)
That's a lot to remember!
lost_spook
Mar. 10th, 2017 08:36 am (UTC)
I'm sure there'll be more before I'm done!
ragnarok_08
Mar. 10th, 2017 04:52 am (UTC)
Those all sound pretty useful.
lost_spook
Mar. 10th, 2017 08:42 am (UTC)
I have sworn off lighthouses for good now, yes. ;-)
hyarrowen
Mar. 10th, 2017 06:56 am (UTC)
I don't remember 1)- but ahaha OMG.
lost_spook
Mar. 10th, 2017 08:37 am (UTC)
#1 was in the first episode. All the plastic melted into goo everywhere. It was glorious. But Robert Powell really shouldn't have taken it out on the plane. It's a wonder he lasted for even that one series! ;-)
liadtbunny
Mar. 10th, 2017 03:18 pm (UTC)
There is nothing like a brain, nothing in the world!

Sorry.

So the moral is it's best to go and hide?
lost_spook
Mar. 10th, 2017 09:26 pm (UTC)
No, no, just be sensible and test things and always programme computers not to kill you and you'll be fine. Unless someone else fails to do so, which they probably will, in which case you won't be, but you might as well not worry because there's not much you can do about it.

:-)
scripsi
Mar. 11th, 2017 06:58 am (UTC)
*nods* Sounds like good lessons to learn. :)
lost_spook
Mar. 11th, 2017 10:14 am (UTC)
I'll say. I'm 100% cured of wanting to breed mutant killer rats!

(also: *sends hugs*)
scripsi
Mar. 11th, 2017 10:23 am (UTC)
You don't say? ;)

*hugs*
el_staplador
Mar. 11th, 2017 11:09 am (UTC)
I'll bear those in mind.

I already knew 9. from two separate Wimsey books, though.
lost_spook
Mar. 11th, 2017 12:52 pm (UTC)
They're very important warnings. *nods*

And, ha, I suppose if I amended #10 to "sound can be fatal in enclosed, tall spaces" you'd have a third covered, too. (I don't remember sweets from strangers, but I've only read them all once, years ago.)
el_staplador
Mar. 12th, 2017 12:37 pm (UTC)
Very end of Strong Poison, for certain values of 'stranger'...
dimity_blue
Mar. 11th, 2017 01:03 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty sure all of those would apply to any sci-fi/apocalypse movie.

Maybe they should stop making films and series about scientists? Apparently, they going to doom us all.
lost_spook
Mar. 11th, 2017 02:10 pm (UTC)
I think the fish, the lighthouses and the jetlag among other things are fairly unique to Doomwatch!
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

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